I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
