I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
