I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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