Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
