you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
