it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
