just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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