You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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