Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My balls are so social today.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
