her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
