He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
