I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
