I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
