things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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