My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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