I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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