I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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