I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
