Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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