her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
