After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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