You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
