We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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