Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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