she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
