Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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