can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
