You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
