Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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