is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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