he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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