I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
