Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
