Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
