is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
