You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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