how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
