I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
