the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
