I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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