He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
