your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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