I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
