doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How's work?
Spinning.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
