...so i touched it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
