I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dignity is for republicans.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
