my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
