i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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