His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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