I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
