i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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