I heard we made out
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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